The Top 14 Signs You May Be a Bad Driver

 

14. You have a reserved parking space with your name on itat traffic court.

 

13. You spend an inordinate amount of time scraping hair and bone out of your front grille.

 

12. After heading off for the corner deli, you end up in downtown Baghdad.

 

11. Youve racked up so many points on your drivers license that you can redeem them for a reduced sentence on your next vehicular manslaughter conviction.

 

10. Every year, Italy issues you a drivers license.

 

9. Awarding you the best actress Oscar for Monsters Ball was just a sneaky way to encourage you to ride in Bens Limo.

 

8. Tony Stewart calls you for advice.

 

7. Your family already has a roadside cross ready to mark the inevitable spot.

 

6. Earl Scheib just named his new 180-foot yacht after you.

 

5. Whenever you go out, your friends make you the designated drunk.

 

4. You see more middle fingers than a manicurist.

 

3. The highway patrol cops in your state have memorized your date of birth, social security number, home address, license plate number and how many points you have left before your 39th trip to traffic school, which is named after you.

 

2. The other day, you ran right into the garage door and it was up at the time.

  and the Number 1 Sign You May Be a Bad Driver...  

1. Every time your cell phone rings while you're reading the New York Times, you spill your Beer, drop your iPhone and rear-end the car in front of you on the Cross Bronx Expressway